Why Can We Lick Our Balls But Not Catch Our Tails

Daddy has trouble sleeping. He says most people get a song stuck in their heads and it wont go away. Daddy almost never listens to music. He listen's to language lesson's or books on tape watches TV or Reads. The stuff he reads doesn't make sense to most other humans so he bounces it of me because he know next time he walks me he will be picking up my opinion of in a little plastic bag. More than humans they don't give one even when they do understand.

The other day when he couldn't sleep he said it keep going through his head " Why can Dogs lick their testicles but not catch their tails" being a god sorry dog he asked me. I looked at him, while aimed my head where I figured he was I am blind ( like Justice ) and thought, I never chase my tail but then since I'm a rescued dog I don't those things to lick either. Guess is evens out. Bet the next thing keeps him awake is if the licking causes the chasing. Don't know about all humans but mine thinks to much.

I can sleep anywhere anytime.

Happy Birthday to Me

Not today but the first was my birthday. Daddy says it is very unusual ( and I thought birthdays happened every year ) because I am now 17 human years old and still seem like a puppy. He says I could make us both rich if I could write down my beauty secrets.

I only have one to be honest and it is actually Sid's definition of a dog's job. These are actually his own words he is not quoting anyone else ( when he does and someone thinks they are his words he goes to great lengths to make sure credit goes to said them first. The longer they have been dead the more trouble he seems to be willing to go to. He even will explain that something is the English translation of some Latin motto. One of his favorites is the Motto of Scotland and also why they picked the thistle as their national Flower. The Motto in Latin is Nemo Me Impune Lacesit" which literally means no one harms me without getting pierced. He prefers to say a more modern translation is "No one F***s with me and gets away with it.) However is definition of a Dog's job is this " to be your most loyal friend from the day we meet until life's end ". He says what makes me different from most dogs is that most dogs are only that way to one person. I am that way to everyone willing to accept me as a friend. Sid is of course my best friend, then Jessica his daughter who adopted me then had to pass me on to Sid as she could no longer take care of me in her small apartment. Then Mr Whisker's who is my cat Brother that Jessy rescued when his mother got run over by a truck. Sid is allergic to cats so has to take allergy pills sometimes if there are also other things he is allergic to around or if he is sensitive.

Sid also wanted me to put this last picture up as a goal he would like to live up to.

Daddy Avoiding Swearing

I know Sid hates to swear. Not like most people he really thinks if he has to swear it means he has really lost his self control. He quotes Shakespeare and a lot of other people instead of swearing. Thinks if he swears he has proved himself to stupid to get the same result without swearing. As he gets older he learns more ways not to swear. Like one time a lady in front of him in line at a check out was being really mean to a cashier for no reason. Line was getting real long people were getting upset and the lady was really being mean. So Daddy behind he in line says " Lady are you always this rude or only since someone dropped a house on your sister. " The rest of the line started clapping the lady turned to say something but before she could daddy said " You should get home your Flying Monkey's must be starving" line began to laugh she shut up paid and left. As daddy was paying the clerk whispered thank you.

I was barking a lot today. Two of Sid's friends were over who go do errands for him when he is having a bad time. That has been happening a lot since his bother died last month. Anyway he had to yell at me but did it without swearing. I guess I will hear this again but he finally go tired of no one hearing over my barking and yelled "Rocky shut the Pup up". I did. Sid almost never yells. So I guess he will be saying that again from time to time. I am kind of glad he won't swear at me or the cat either. The cat can make him cry not by being bad but with allergies and he has a hard time making him get off him if he isn't well. He has to take pills to live with the cat but Jessie who I used to belong too also brought him a kitten to look after for a few days whose mother had died. That was 6 years ago. He just keeps lifting the cat off him. He hasn't yelled at it yet. If he keeps having sick mornings maybe he will yell but I bet he won't swear.

On days he can't go out because his disorder is acting up he always hires someone so I get out at least twice a day. Daddy tires. I try to be good too. Daddy says I am the world's oldest good puppy cause I am 15 almost 16 in two months. Daddy's doctor says he can expect at least a few more bad months. Cold out doesn't help either.

But Mr Wisker's and I still love him and hope he fells better soon. He spoils us when he can. I know he gets scared lately. He cries about missing his brother sometimes. He never used to cry. Jessica rescued me and Mr Wisker's but when she couldn't keep taking care of us Sid never complained just took over for her and he tries to keep us happy. We get Xmas and birthday gifts he doesn't know Mr Wiskers birthday so he get stuff right after my birthday. We love him and try to be nice to him but we can only be there for him. We can't talk people talk. But he knows we are here and we don't let him think he is alone.

If Shakespeare had been a Puppy

Imagine if some those great plays had been written from a Canine perspective. After all for us things are pretty simple. If your fixed ( who ever came up with that term should be fixed himself ) as I was before Sid or his daughter met me as I am what they call a "Rescued Dog" saved from a terrible life in a "Puppy Mill" where in the raid 268 other dogs were also saved and 69 had to be put down as euthanasia. Then you don't worry about making little puppies so your philosophy involves only two things and maybe if humans reduced their philosophy's to only two items many of their problems would go away.

For example Hamlet's famous speech would have been " To Pee or not to Pee "

So in case it isn't instantly obvious just what a dog's life involves when boiled down to only two items here it is for you.

If you can't eat it.

Pee on it.

Hot Hot Hot

It's hard being a good dog sometimes.

Daddy has had a hard time with his illness lately so we have not gone out as much. He is worried mainly his stepdad having a brain operation.

I have been scared a lot too because of something called fire crackers. They are very loud and sound scary so I won't go out when they have been going off. Daddy says they only sell them a couple times a year and the kids will run out very soon. It is also very hot and I haven't had my summer haircut yet. Yesterday was so hot Dad said he " should jump into the microwave to cool off". Lucky him he isn't wearing a fur coat and he can sweat. Dogs only have sweat glands on our paws. We cool off by panting.

Daddy should have before and after photo's of my haircut within a week. I'm in pretty good shape for someone over 100 in dog years

Daddy's in the Dark Again

Daddy has not been typing for him or me. We have had a paw full of real nice days. Daddy says this is a bit rare for last half of March but not real rare. He says second half of March is after this guy Caesar gets knifed and all the Irishmen in the world get hangovers is the time. Today and yesterday were cold though. Daddy says less than 5 degrees C and to tell those to our south that is 22 degrees the way they still measure it. He thinks tomorrow might rain because he is staying in the dark and wearing sunglasses inside ( I can't see them he told me & I hear him when he looks for them ). He says it may not be rain though because his back hurts means he slept at some odd angle. I don't know what he did I only get on the couch the bed is too high. My friend might come over to walk me and Daddy will do it when the sun goes down. To get ready he is watching something called vampire movies. I like those movies because they have steaks in them.

Sunny Days

The Weather out is bright and sunny. You don't have to be able to see to feel the warm sun on your fur. Sid/Daddy had me out yesterday and after we were out a while he fell asleep. First time in a long time he did it without pills. I guess he fell asleep before it was time to take them. He told me that is good news. He also said it means his body may be back to knowing day from night. Before I was born he worked shifts whatever that means but if he gets even a little sick his body starts to sleep either during the day or from 2am till about 10 am. He tells me those were the shifts he worked get home at 2 at night or 7 in the morning.

I prefer him taking me out at normal daytime because then more people can fuss over me.

I'm glad Sid/Daddy is feeling better.